My girlfriend, Kylie, left for New Zealand today. She’s off to start a new adventure, taking teacher’s college in Christchurch. It’s a ten month program. Obviously I wish her the best and send my love over the 18 hour time difference, but I’m still a bit sad in the feels department.
Fortunately, I’m at my parents’ house. Since they became empty-nesters-of-sort (during the school year, anyways) they’ve eliminated most of the good food from the house, so I can’t gorge myself in order to crush the aforementioned feels under an avalanche of chocolate and candy.
What I can do, is write.
On the topic of food, you’ve all probably, at some point or the other, heard the Subway commercials where someone says something like ‘oh that report is due on Tuesday’ and then some moron replies, “Tuesday? Oh you mean Ham and Swiss Day!” or something to that effect. Stupid, stupid commercials. Trying to rename the days? What a travesty, I would think. But apparently it is more common than I thought.
Because our days of the week DO have alternative names – well, most of them, anyways. That’ll be addressed in this post as well.
As always, a tl;dr at the bottom, and also if you’re interested in learning how to write a segue like the amazing one I just did, go back to high school, pay attention in English, join the newspaper club, then major in journalism. Anways, onwards!
Man Crush Monday
This delightful day was only introduced to me recently, actually. I had never heard of it until Kylie brought it to my attention. I then confirmed it with my co-op student and found it was, in fact, a socially acceptable day. The point of this day should be fairly obvious: you decide who your man crush is (usually a celebrity, but others have been known to make appearances. In fact, for those of you with a boyfriend, this may be a good way to inflate his ego a bit if you know what I mean), then make a post on [insert favourite social media site here] and then watch as everyone else posts there’s. Mine is this guy:
Woman Crush Wednesday
Sticking with the theme of matching the letter of the corresponding day of the week, Woman Crush Wednesday is essentially the same as Man Crush Monday, except this time, would-be posters pick their crush who happens to be a woman. Simple, no? I found out about this day the same time as Man Crush Monday. Here are my two:
Note: Wednesday is also referred to as “Hump Day”, presumably because it’s in the middle of the work week and, should you make it through the day, you’ve crested the “hump” and are in for easy cruising the rest of the week.
Oh the joy/horror of Thursdays. This is one of the more popular ones – and admittedly, the first on this list I was familiar with before a couple weeks ago – that even has its own Twitter hash tag. #TBT is where you post a picture of the past – the more distant, the better. Also, the more embarrassing the better. This is the one day each week where you can unabashedly share a glimpse of you when you were that cute kid (what happened, by the way?) or, if you’re feeling particularly brash, posting that goofy snapshot of you just as you hit puberty. Either way, a butt-ton of people will comment on it with variations of “aww” and/or “lmao” depending which route you take. I have an ultra-cheesy one because feels, and a classic #tbt.
The last selfie we’ll take for a while, taken at 5 o clock this morning.. OH SHUT UP LET ME SULK
The former is one in which I was presumably asleep since it was five in the morning. Yes this isn’t much of a throwback but SHUT UP OKAY. The latter is a true throwback to a time when my brother (right side) and I apparently not only liked Toy Story, but matching, and my sister was trying out a new dance craze in which you look like you’re a marionette.
This bad boy took me a while to figure out. Every Friday I’d scan my Tweetdeck (it’s a program where you can run multiple Twitter accounts –which I have – at the same time – which I do – so you don’t miss anything) and see tons of people being all like “LOL #FF @soAndSo because they’re hilarious!” although they’d probably put “there” or some shit. Ugh. Anyways, using the journalistic skills I fine-tuned in college, I discovered #FF meant “follow Friday.” Basically, this is where, if you follow the merit of the day, you can tweet to all your followers the name of someone you deem deserving, in the hopes that some of your followers will become their followers as well. What most people – myself definitely included – probably do, is FF someone on their list who’s relatively well-known, in the hopes that they’ll see the mention, and appreciate it enough to say “thanks for the #ff lol” or something.
This should be pretty self-explanatory, but for those of you who don’t have a dictionary under those rocks where you’ve presumably been living (yes, “selfie” is officially in the dictionary. I think it was also the word of the year, too, so…that’s something), “selfie Sunday” is when someone takes a “selfie” (a photo of themselves, duh), posts it, and makes some comment about how they look bad or something. This is usually accompanied by hash tags including but not limited to: #selfiesunday; #nomakeup; #nofilter; #Sunday; #weekend; and so on so forth. Although it is not Sunday, here is my favourite selfie of all time, for you, beloved reader:
Now. The more astute of you have, of course, noticed I skipped Tuesday and Saturday. That is because, to the best of my knowledge (read: no one has thusly informed me) they don’t have a cute meme-day-name. So, I shall come up with them now. On the spot.
Settlers of Catan Saturday
What do you MEAN you don’t know what Settlers of Catan is? I advise you to finish this blog post, then Google that shit and learn to play. If “nerd” started with an “s”, it would totally be in the title of this day as well. Warning: do not play with friends you want to keep, especially if you have to see them for the next little while.
Runner up: sleep-in Saturday. I dismissed this one because not everyone gets to sleep in Saturdays you assholes.
Take a fucking break already, will ya? Tuesday.
Look. You’ve just posted your woman crush; a picture of you when you were two years old and naked; a plea via Twitter for people to follow your OTHER account (this happens. Also, guilty) so that they can get your posts of you as a naked two year old; a picture of you as a Settler of Catan; a blurry selfie of sleep-deprived you; and your man crush. Take a goddamn break will ya? Tuesday will be devoted to doing nothing except regular internet stuff.
So essentially, looking at catz.
It isn’t Friday but IT IS IN NEW ZEALAND AND I NOW OPERATE ON THAT TIME TOO, SO FOLLOW ME:
Man Crush Monday
Take a fucking break already, will ya? Tuesday
Woman Crush Wednesday
Settlers of Catan Saturday
Those are the new days of the week. Get on board or you’ll be left in the dust of the interwebs.
PS. If anyone knows any good chick flicks and a flavour of ice cream that will mask the taste of tears streaming into it, let me know.