Alright nerds, I know why you’re here, so I’ll get to it quick. Thanks to Becca for the title of this post/series of posts, PS.
But first: in the last week some interesting stuff has happened. I went on three dates; one was a sushi outing with Moira, the other two were with a gorgeous lady who allowed me the honour of taking her out. Hopefully there’ll be more to tell you about with that in time.
I also got to go to Amanda’s cottage—basically picture a pristine lake, the only disturbance a tiny ripple as an otter or something swims by. Now picture that serene silence being broken by me flying by on a Sea Doo screaming my head off. That’s pretty accurate. We, along with my doppelganger Scott, had some great Mario Party/Mario Kart games that digressed into flinging obscenities at each other.
All in all, a pretty swell weekend.
OKAY now on to the trip, day one.
I had everything loaded into the car and was pulling out of my driveway at 9:30 this (Wednesday) morning. I only got about 6 hours of sleep due to an aforementioned date—but it was worth it, you guys. Anyways.
The first three hours of the voyage went by pretty quickly. I had to stop once to pee, probably due to the fact that I chugged a couple coffees or whatever. But other than that, smooth sailing—until the border.
Apparently it’s not a very believable story that I’m driving to visit a friend in Yellowknife! First of all, they didn’t even know where that was. One guy got close when he said “isn’t that near Alaska”, but they didn’t really grasp it. Anyways, they searched my trunk, asked me 30 questions or so, then sent me to secondary inspection.
I had to go in and fill out some forms and answer more questions, and a lot of the same ones. The lady ended up asking me for a copy of my lease, or work contract, and of course I didn’t have them. Why would I? Every other time I’ve been to the States I zip through the border. But yeah, at one point she goes “would you be able to get a lease if I sent you back?”
Thank god it didn’t come to that. I would have lost six hours and been f-f-f-FURIOUS. But, after she made me sit on a chair for 30 minutes and went out and personally searched my entire car, and then asked me 30 more questions, the lady said she was going to let me go through. I was, as you may have guessed, extremely appreciative. And then she totally won me over by letting me use the bathroom.
Crisis (x2) averted.
After that, I basically just got on Interstate 94, flicked on cruise control, and ate up the highway. I stopped a few times to stretch and eat, but mostly just kept on going. I had the honour of being stuck in a Chicago traffic jam—it was pretty much the same as any other traffic jam I’ve been in, except it was in Chicago!!!
Today I drove for a total of 13 hours, minus about 1:40 for the border and a few stops—so 11 and a half hours, give or take. I covered 1007km, and am currently in a nice little hotel in Johnson Creek, Wisconsin. I’m pretty tired so this won’t be too long, but here are some things I noticed about the US:
- While driving
- Billboards! Holy shit. Everywhere. I saw about a thousand billboards for an adult superstore, and ten thousand for trucks and beer. They were really entertaining
- Not only do people talk on their phones, signs actually encourage them to. Like to call certain numbers for certain things or whatever
- I saw a bunch of motorcycles, and 95 per cent of their riders were not wearing helmets. Bad ass?
- Cars look really weird without front license plates, and most of them don’t have them
- I have to hand it to the States—their highways and rest stops are better than ours. At least, the ones I’ve seen in Ontario. Every exit on the Interstate 94 has three signs: one telling you what gas stations are in the immediate vicinity; one for food; and one for lodgings. Every time I needed to eat or pee, it was the simplest thing ever. Same with my hotel tonight. It literally took me less than a minute to find it after I got off I-94. And I also stopped at a rest stop in Indiana. It was amazing. Whereas ours are just buildings with several fast food joints in them and a gas station or seven, this one was a small building with washrooms, and then the rest was outdoors. Picnic tables, trees, areas to stretch and walk your dog—it was great. I sat and read for twenty minutes; when I had arrived there I was very sleepy, but after just that brief respite, I was able to do another three hours or so. Not bad.
- Like I said, I got to see Chicago. For quite some time, actually, since I was stuck in that traffic jam
- There is a place called Kalamazoo for real. I drove through it.
That’s all I can think of for now. 1007km down, about 3700 to go. Check back for daily updates, and to make sure you don’t miss them, follow me on Twitter: